Basically, we focused on editing my topic sentences and quote integration, which, following Ms. Bates edits with my draft, I really needed to focus on. We started workshopping my topic sentences and now I'm going to go through and edit all of them. He said (agreeing with Ms. Bates) that a lot of my topic sentences were just introducing the next example, rather than making arguments and furthering the paper. Now, I realize, I want the sentences to really help evolve the paper, rather than being cursory, elementary parts of it. He praised the body of my paragraphs and said that my thesis was good and the overall paper was very provocative and interesting, which was a major self-esteem boost.
We also took a few quotation examples and worked with them, taking the full quotation out and picking the pieces that were truly necessary and paraphrasing the rest. He said that it often felt like I was shoving quotations in and it felt a little strained. I think I was using too many quotations that really don't help my argument. Also, with Ms. Bates advice that the paper is supposed to be mostly our own words rather than the secondary sources', I'm going to sift through the paper and make sure I am using the quotations in an effective way.
There is definitely a lot of workshopping that needs to be done, but I think the paper is coming along.
OOHHH, I forgot. Another point that I need to work on is making sure the paper emphasizes the evolution of the two heroines, rather than just their change. A little tweaking of the phrasing will help out with that one.
I really like the blog.
1 comment:
hey babe, im sorry i wasnt in class today. I went to my first two and then got REALLY tired so i skipped out. I have some corrections for the page u gave me, but from the looks of it, roy has it covered. ill still bring it to you wednesday though
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